Today I am afraid of my future. My future which I one day hope to
spend with my “non-Sinhala- Buddhist-boyfriend”. As it is the world is a sick and scary place
and in it our little island home has become a cesspool of swirling black hate
and madness. Our initial woes seem so trivial in comparison to the present
situation. It can clearly only get worse. The simple fact that the media
described the situation that took place in Granpass today as “a clash between
two parties/gangs” shows the plight of independent news agencies and the right
to access to information in this country.
The worries of hurting our parents, being ostracized from our
families, upsetting the family traditions and customs and living with the
burden of an unpardonable sin seems easier to deal with than this. Being
ostracised by family is one thing, you know deep down that they will still love
you and that love will always be your link to them. But to feel like you are
ostracised from your country is another. Its like standing on the last bit of dry
earth in a swamp. And YES I, the
Sinhala-buddhist feels this. Why do I say so? Because I have a right to live my
life with someone I love and all this is slowly been snatched away from me.
What I feel is not just fear of the violence and bloodshed but of
shame... I am ashamed to say I am what I am. I am ashamed to be the one who
“belongs” to this country. If this “belonging” is felt by cornering, harassing,
insulting and intimidating everyone else I do not want to belong. I’d rather be
outside. It’s a shame when a person is ASHAMED and does not want to be part of
his or her own country. That is what all this has done to me. I live in a
country where I can not love who I want, be with who I want, live with who I
want. But ironically I live in a “democratic” country which has something
called “independence”.
My non-Sinhala- Buddhist-boyfriend and I, as two people: are very different.
Not just because of what we believe in and follow but because of who we are as
individuals. It starts with just two people. Even if you are from the so called
“maha-jaathiya” or “owners” of this land, you are DIFFERENT, because you’ll are
INDIVIDUALS. It boils down to the point whether you respect this difference
which is part of everyone. One thing is clear, Sinhala- Buddhists can not even
respect each other. We have lost that ability to embrace and understand the
beauty differences can bring. We have forgotten that our world revolves around
and our every day lives function due to these differences.
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